After more than two years of suffering from anxiety, I am finally healed.
For the past two years, I believe I have been romanticizing anxiety. Writing poetry in my journal, spitting every emotion straight from my panicking soul. It is not a beautiful thing.
Acknowledging anxiety is the right thing because, I realized I need help but becoming a slave to it is a different story. I realized that this anxiety does not own me, I own it and because I own it, I can let it go. (How people see anxiety are different from everyone else and I am speaking just for me.) I have fed this false emotions, which I didn’t realize those years, and it hindered me from everything. I am now thankful that I am getting better.
Being healed takes time, and in the process, I rediscovered faith. Faith in the unseen, in the powerful force that holds the universe, faith in the God I believe in.
I can now unembrace this anxiety that I have nurtured. I am now letting this go. This is me being free, being healed.
How do one become the bigger person? It’s so hard to overlook a lot of wrongs especially when then the person is the perfect definition of bad. How do you calm yourself from all the anger inside? It’s not easy and I want to at least give ’em a one-two, full-force punch in the face.
I like cold showers .
It distracts me from the chaos in my mind.
The cold water makes my body shiver and I focus on that feeling.
Physical feelings are tolerable than inner conflicts.
The cold tightens every muscle in my body and I catch myself holding my breath. And when you hold your breath, you’ll realize you have to let go. Breath out, relax every muscle, and be calm.
Cold showers are mundane, but somehow freeing.
‘Wag kang mag marunong.
‘Wag mong isiping ayos lang mag sambit ng mga bagay na masasakit
maitaas lamang ang sarili mo.
Hindi mo ba naiisip na napakatalas ng mga salita?
Hindi mo siguro alam na nakapatay ka na.
Marahil ay hindi mo nga alam.
Kung hindi mo nga alam, maaari ba kitang tawaging mangmang?
Manghuhusga, tumigil ka na.
‘Wag ka nang mag-imbita ng karadagdagang kasapi na magdudulot ng giyera.
Can you teach me how to talk?
In a voice that is not a whisper,
Throat that is not drying.
My thoughts are so eloquent,
But my speech is potato.
I want a cat.
I’ve had a cat before and her name was Momo. She’s just a black tabby cat with a mustache. She really had no mustache but the black mustache-like on her mouth looked like one.
The mustache was really important though. I lost her after moving houses and that was pretty sad. Why is sad pretty? Now, I can’t start my plan on world domination without her. She’s good at meowing especially in the middle of the night. Talk about giving you the creeps *slaaay*. She’s also good in stealing food from the neighbors. One time, she brought a pack of frozen seafood, I caught her and she just ignored me. Talk about confidence. *savage*. She’s had great ideas on conquering the world and I think that it’s all because of the mustache.
Today, I voted.
All the suitors have been considered.
I still believe that none of them were right.
But, it came down to whoever was the lesser evil.
I am a rock star citizen of this third-world country.
Unbalanced crystals inside ears causes vertigo.
I think I need training on how to walk straight.
My head burns from overthinking.
My heart burns from everything.
Might as well wish for acid rain.
What a lovely thing to be surrounded by flowers
and receive a bunch of almond chocolates
when you’re so allergic to them you could die.