Cold showers

I like cold showers .
It distracts me from the chaos in my mind.
The cold water makes my body shiver and I focus on that feeling.
Physical feelings are tolerable than inner conflicts.
The cold tightens every muscle in my body and I catch myself holding my breath. And when you hold your breath, you’ll realize you have to let go. Breath out, relax every muscle, and be calm.
Cold showers are mundane, but somehow freeing.

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Be

Nobody said you were their sun

Nor their sea

Nor their anything

But you still willingly

be their sun

and their sea

and their everything.

The Day Where the Breeze Embraced Me

Maybe something special happened on that day of many firsts. Though it’s not the first time we’ve celebrated Christmas without you, it’s the first time we spent that day with you not coming back anymore. It’s much more than a roller-coaster of emotions. If it needs to be put in words, I’d describe it as a gentle breeze passing through and playing with my hair. It does not strike like a thunder easily seen but its subtlety embraces you gradually until I realize that I am somehow sad. There will be no longer moments with you. No new memories will be created. It’s haunting because it’s much more than a nightmare. It’s reality.

I don’t try to forget you. I just try to move on. Create new memories not because I want to bury the sad but to realize how life is still beautiful. Even when all that surrounds me are all fleeting, they are still worth living for. Maybe there’s something special that happened on that Christmas day. It’s the day where the breeze embraced me and reminded me of you. It hurts a little but it made me see that there’s something wonderful in the midst of all the chaos life throws.

I saw you again for the first time

It’s the first time that I saw you after a long time. You did something magical again. It’s like my bored spirit was kissed by the fountain of your being. Showering sparks that birthed beats to this stagnant heart. It’s like one of those movie scenes where the world suddenly transitioned from fast to slow mo. Fireflies started lighting and felt like a proposal was ongoing. It’s like fireworks painted the sky at the right timing or a shooting star started falling like how my insides started crumbling when the butterflies in my stomach drilled its way out to enjoy the moment of seeing you again for the first time. I felt like a teenager all over again. Waiting for the chance to have a dance with you at the prom or my 18th birthday. Daydreaming. I was daydreaming of everything that felt good. I hope that I had the guts to talk to you.. again.

 

………………….

I know this is a maarte post. So maarte you can’t even.

HARSHtag

harshtag

Nakasandal ang ulo sa bintana ng sasakyan habang tinitingnan ang tulo ng ulan na dumudulas at naguunahan, pati ang talsik ng tubig sa bahang daanan. Palihim na natutuwa sa pagkikita at sa pag pansin mo sa akin. Naiinis dahil napapangiti at napapamuni ‘pagkat nakisabay ang kilig sa panahong malamig. Nakalimutan ng panandalian ang pangakong pagkalimot sa’yo.

Natutunaw, natutunaw, natunaw na naman ako.

Daydreaming

Well, one day, the butterflies will all fly away
and the stress my stomach feels will be gone.
The sleepless nights will not be because of thinking of you,
and the dreamy mornings will just be for drinking coffee.
The humming birds, will be just birds
and the river of stars will be just stars.
And in the end, the song I’m about to sing will be cut
and now in daydreaming I need to wake up.

The day before the world ends

letter

The day before the world ends, I’ll probably be writing ‘thank you’ notes,  ‘sorry’ notes, and love letter. I’ll try to finish them and send them to its proper recipient so that before the world ends, their last letter would come from me and it will be a good memory in their afterlife.

I’ll say thanks to those people that helped me become me – my parents, girlfriends/sisters, mentors, and even those unwanted people in my life. Each of them contributed to my being and they deserve to be appreciated just before the world ends so they leave, at least, feeling important.

I’ll say sorry to the people I’ve hurt intentional or unintentionally. I have reasons to purposely/ not purposely hurt your feelings, so please forgive. And let’s move on before the world ends okay?

I’ll write a love letter to you. Finally, I will let you know how you always fill my stomach with uninvited butterflies every time I see you. I’ll let you know how you’re the one that makes me want to comb my messy hair and wear clothes other than loose shirt and jeans. I’ll write how every night you put a smile on my face before going to sleep and how I hate you for walking into my dreams making me giddy while sleeping. You’ll know that every time I see you, even only in my peripheral view, I’m satisfied. You’ll know that I really like you voice and you just remind me of the cheesy songs people listen to when they’re in love. Your laugh makes me smile because I can feel the sincere happiness overflowing. You’ll know how I imagine the future of us or the forever of us.

That love letter will contain all my reasons for liking you, for loving you, for appreciating you. You’ll see how much effort I put in that letter. I’ll probably use the best scented stationery there is, I’ll use the most expensive fountain pen, and I’ll write the most heart-warming words that you will ever read in your life just to let you know you’re special. And it probably won’t matter because the day after will be the day the world is going to end but I also don’t care.

Nah, it’s too cheesy and trying hard to be poetic. The world’s going to end. Before it does, I’ll probably be praying and tell everyone that I love them.

 

DIVIDER

 

 

We all were aware how the Mayan calendar told us that the world’s supposed to end last 21 December 2012. Well it’s already a year after.. and if ever finally, the world’s going to end tomorrow, today’s the right time to post this. haha.