Unembracing anxiety

For the past two years, I believe I have been romanticizing anxiety. Writing poetry in my journal, spitting every emotion straight from my panicking soul. It is not a beautiful thing.

Acknowledging anxiety is the right thing because, I realized I need help but becoming a slave to it is a different story. I realized that this anxiety does not own me, I own it and because I own it, I can let it go. (How people see anxiety are different from everyone else and I am speaking just for me.) I have fed this false emotions, which I didn’t realize those years, and it hindered me from everything. I am now thankful that I am getting better.

Being healed takes time, and in the process, I rediscovered faith. Faith in the unseen, in the powerful force that holds the universe, faith in the God I believe in.

I can now unembrace this anxiety that I have nurtured. I am now letting this go. This is me being free, being healed.

A series of un/fortunate events

Most of the time, I’m staring at the wall. Sometimes thinking, sometimes not but still staring and zoning out. It gives a calming effect and a peace of mind somehow because the wall’s blankness. I hope life’s problems can be solved by just staring at a blank wall.

I don’t like being compared to anyone else. It’s not healthy for me because even when the intentions are good, I can’t help but see all sides – the good and the bad – and it somehow triggers a self-pity phase and activates my overthinking brain.

I stopped freelancing a few months ago so I have a lot of times to stare at walls. I just want to be my own boss so I did not get a day job at a production house. I’m thinking of starting a business of my own. I don’t know how to do it but I am sure I will do it. I need to do it. I must do it. I can do it.

Being an introvert has its strengths and weaknesses and I am still discovering new things that will help me survive this extrovert-driven world. I am also rediscovering traits that was buried in my subconsciousness.

2015 is ending. I am hoping for a good year to come.

‘Pogi’ means ‘Handsome’

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Meron kang isang litrato sa iPad ko.

Hindi naman ikaw ang kinukunan ko kundi ang lecture mo.

Pero dahil hindi sinasadyang maisama ka,

Hindi ko na buburahin at titigan ko pa.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dedicated to my friend, “LOL” who is really crushing on her prof.

Dedicated also to the ladies who developed a crush on their ‘pogi’ professors. lol.

To my ‘pogi’ Eng’g professor before, Hi Sir, tinititigan ka na lang namin pag di na namin maintindihan yung lesson. :))

The D

We, human beings, complain easily. And I believe that complaining has something to do with The D. But before anything else, the “D” referred here is not the infamous/famous D but the D as in discipline.

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The D

People complain about anything and everything under the sun, from how the food is served to the heavy traffic to the worst airport to the hellish heat of the sun and the hellish pouring of rain and how we need Noah’s Ark right now. But only a few get the idea of the need of being disciplined to prevent these complains. Why not go out for a run instead of hating yourself because of the not-so-cute dimples on your thighs? Why not start a Savings account instead of complaining how bad the government is because of high taxes? We really cannot just blame another being’s existence just to justify our own faults.

People of this generation nowadays are too busy and rely on everything that are instant. I think that’s why only a few would actually have the time to discipline themselves on whatever. Speaking of time, I don’t believe this “I don’t have time for that” thing. We all have time, it’s just that we don’t use it wisely enough. We have enough time, we just don’t know how to set priorities that’s why this time of ours just gets wasted and we think there’s no time for The D.

If we just take time to discipline ourselves, we’d have less and less complains.

Now, I still don’t know if this is a rant or something else.

Any thoughts about The D?

-C

Never Alone

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There are times when I just feel so alone. (cue music: All Alone -Fun.)
Though I tend to shy away in front of other people because I’m introvert,
I’m most comfortable when I’m with my friends. They make a monster crazy person out of me. But there are just these other friends people who just make you feel alone.
Good thing is that I know I’m never alone with my family and true friends around me and of course, my Lord Jesus who’ll never leave me nor make me feel alone.

what morning has brought me

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laptop needs cleaning

Sunday morning, rain’s not falling. In fact it was a perfect shade of blue.
I can see the blooming of the fire tree through my window.
The birds are chirping in harmony and the trees are swaying to the call of the wind.
Through those trees, I can see the wind and feel its beauty and power overtaking them.
The sun’s rays from miles away slowly getting through my yellow curtain,
reminding this still sleepy lady to wake up.
This is what the morning has brought me.
This is the poetry through my window.

out

good morning, love

Thoughts over espresso and express

There are sisters that will appear to care but won’t really be able to show how they care.
And then there are strangers that will grow more to being a sister.
It’s just sad to personally experience these things.
The people you thought would care wasn’t able to show that they cared at all.
And those people you thought are just there for good times would care deeply.

Espresso and express almost sound the same but both have different meanings.

photography rant

Photography class is one of my favorite class this semester cause it’s my stress reliever for all shizz of other subjects. I’m doing well in that class but I’m doomed. I have nothing to pass tomorrow. I forgot  that tomorrow’s the last day for submitting the final individual project. Theme: Architecture. I am so doomed. What I really, super, mega, ultra need right now is a MIRACLE.

Yeah, I need a miracle right now. And some comforting words.. and a hug.. and an ice cream.. or a teddy bear.. or a dog(I don’t/won’t eat a dog).. and a photo.

Since, I won’t be able to produce two photos right now. I’ll just think YOLO.