Heart Burn

Unbalanced crystals inside ears causes vertigo.
I think I need training on how to walk straight.
My head burns from overthinking.
My heart burns from everything.
Might as well wish for acid rain.

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Missed

I was hoping to see the double eleven on my screen but saw an 11:12 instead.

Maybe it’s a power trip from the forces reminding me of missed wishes I cannot have.

But I’ll try to fight the forces.

Something Beautiful for the Night

Well, the night breeze is cold and it makes the gold curtains sway while passing through the little holes of the screen window. I’m lying on my stomach, typing, thinking critically whether to write or not because I might end up writing about someone.. again.

I want to write something else because I think that it would make me look or sound more mature. Why? Maybe I want to be seen as a deep intellectual. Or maybe I just want my writing to feel cool. What the hell.

As much as I don’t really want to be on the spotlight, I also don’t want to be totally ignored. I mean, I still want the right kind of attention (and not too much). Why do we have to feel that we should belong? How do we even measure maturity? This might not make sense anymore. So what?

I just really wanted to write something. Some cool stuff. Some deep thoughts. Or some feelings about someone that is currently ignoring me and I want to be poetic about it. But I ended up writing somethinf random which is okay.

It’s 8:59pm. It’s still early but I want to sleep.

Humility

I really believe that no matter how great you are, there’s someone, somewhere, that’s greater than you. It does not mean that we have to pity ourselves but I really think that it’s a good way of reminding us to be humble no matter how great we may be.

Humility is scarce these days. With all the means to acquire something or be something, people go that way to become known. I think that this age is so obsessed with fame (and the like) and so we spend – time, money, etc. – to be seen, heard, felt. There’s nothing really wrong with being at the ‘top’ but sometimes it’s just the attention that we want. So people, other people, see it as being selfish. That’s how wars started, because of misinterpretation.

BUT, who doesn’t want to be noticed? I think that even introverts like me  wants to be noticed, (but not too much). But still, there should be a place for humility in our lives. Even the Lord Jesus humbled himself, so why can’t we?

Humility, I believe, is the first step to greatness.

-C

A Quote That Will Completely Change The Way You Think About Love

While some people need ‘love’ because they want to really feel it. I think they’re confused beings. We should love not just because we want to be loved in return. We love because we are sure that we, first, love ourselves and so we can give love -at its finest- to others. We love ourselves, meaning, even when heartache comes, we know and are sure of that we’re still complete. And we’re not afraid that nothing would be left to ourselves because we know, for a fact, that we first loved ourselves. -C

Thought Catalog

Recently I came across a love quote and up until this day I’m still quite surprised by how much it has made me reflect on the way I see love and how I love. The quote comes from a 1996 film called Dream for an Insomniac:

QuoteCatalog32

This quote grips me, because it’s antithetical to what I’d previously believed in. I had always advised my girlfriends, NEVER invest more than what you think the other party is putting in: “Don’t like/love him more than he likes/loves you.” Because it’s not safe for your heart. Because you might get hurt, you might fall too deep, you might lose control of your own emotions and thoughts. Because he might not be worth it after all.

But I was wrong. Now I know otherwise.

Love should be mad, reckless and dangerous. It ought to be! It should require your every ounce of courage…

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Truth Thursdays: When It Was Over

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when it was over

I just feel like writing about something personal. 🙂
I don’t want to create issues whatsoever so I’ll just call you Z.

Dear Z,
There might only be 0.01% chance of you stumbling upon this post but in case you did, haha! I don’t care, whatever.

Should I thank you? Maybe I should, for letting me feel something I haven’t experienced before.
We were both young back then, but i felt happy (and giddy) every time we talked(well, texted) on the phone every night until we both fell asleep. Those nights felt special for me and I think it also was for you. Thanks for trusting me some of your secrets and thanks for keeping some of mine. This is not a ‘longing for the past’ kind of post. This is just a ‘thanks-but-no-thanks’ post.

For months, I really felt special and loved by someone special other than a family. Even when we’re both awkward in person, I thought that even the awkwardness was something that only you and I understood. haha. (I feel icky writing this but yolo.) We were young and our feelings were ‘illegal’ (I mean, shhhhh, it’s a secret, only few people knew) We did not even dated, we just understood each other and it felt perfectly fine, so good that I thought you might be ‘the one’. It was really like a fairytale.. until the witch came.

Our ‘witch’ was not ordinary.. I don’t even know who/what our ‘witch’ was. Our fairytale (well, at least my fairytale) ended when you disappeared.. Literally! You! Why you did not even explain! It’s funny how you made yourself a magician with your perfect disappearing act. Even up to now, I’m still thinking why you left (literally) without any explanation. And all you left was your goodbye poem for me. Well, I did appreciate that poem. You made goodbyes a little bit sweeter. But since you’re the first that I really liked, it sucks to be reading a goodbye poem from you.

I was hurt and hated you for some time and since it was not known, I kept it all in me (you! why you hurt me? haha) But I never thought that you were my version of “the one that got away”. I was thinking that I was the one who got away but the author of my love story made it clear that we were really not meant to be. But I still want to thank you for having a brief part in my life. I am sure that I learned something, you learned something(I hope), and it was a nice, short ‘moment’. I knew I grew from that experience. I knew God has something and someone better. And I’m thankful that you did not publicly confess your ‘love’ or whatever feeling you have in there at that moment. If ever you did, shucks, many wrong things could have been made. So yeah, thanks.

I find this a little bit childish but you know, some things just needs to be said no matter how childish it might be. This isn’t even a goodbye. Our goodbye happened long ago. Let’s just look at it as a “throwback” thing.

We’re still awkward with each other but we both moved on.(duh, it was so 2009?) I’m happy, you happy, we happy!

I knew we won’t stop loving. Our Creator made us to love.

P.S.
You’re not really the one that got away. Neither was I.

-C

Okay and 68 More Words to Hurt You

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He said, “goodbye.”
She said, “okay.”
“I did not even love you.
You were just a hallucination produced by
taking too much love songs.
You were just an imagination crafted in my mind.
We were just actors role playing a perfect fairytale.
Convincing each other about the happy ever after that we’re heading.
But this lie we fed ourselves with was exposed.
This happy ever after crushed us.
Maybe goodbye was our ever after.” She ended.
This was how okay and 68 more words hurt them.

The D

We, human beings, complain easily. And I believe that complaining has something to do with The D. But before anything else, the “D” referred here is not the infamous/famous D but the D as in discipline.

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The D

People complain about anything and everything under the sun, from how the food is served to the heavy traffic to the worst airport to the hellish heat of the sun and the hellish pouring of rain and how we need Noah’s Ark right now. But only a few get the idea of the need of being disciplined to prevent these complains. Why not go out for a run instead of hating yourself because of the not-so-cute dimples on your thighs? Why not start a Savings account instead of complaining how bad the government is because of high taxes? We really cannot just blame another being’s existence just to justify our own faults.

People of this generation nowadays are too busy and rely on everything that are instant. I think that’s why only a few would actually have the time to discipline themselves on whatever. Speaking of time, I don’t believe this “I don’t have time for that” thing. We all have time, it’s just that we don’t use it wisely enough. We have enough time, we just don’t know how to set priorities that’s why this time of ours just gets wasted and we think there’s no time for The D.

If we just take time to discipline ourselves, we’d have less and less complains.

Now, I still don’t know if this is a rant or something else.

Any thoughts about The D?

-C