Truth Thursday: Can’t Wait No More

Walking.

Ever since I was in the fourth grade, I dreamed of becoming an engineer. I am pretty confident that I can do it. I graduated with honors back in high school. I got accepted to a nice university and started walking towards my dream. But something big happened. Then I got bored with what I was doing. The thrill that I was feeling before was no longer there and I was only convincing myself to continue because my parents wanted me to finish my engineering degree. I was still walking but without enthusiasm.

Paused.

Little by little, I realized how much I loved the arts. The love I had for engineering was geared towards the love for writing. And then I realized that all along, I was writing, it’s just that I didn’t notice it. I wrote on a diary (yes, of course, I went through this stage), I wrote poems, I blog, I just write whatever. I wanted to become a writer and write my own books and scripts for films. It was like an enlightenment.

I paused. I did something that would, let’s say, disappoint my parents and even I myself didn’t believe that I did it. (I’m a pretty obedient daughter haa!) I have decided that I wanted to transfer schools so I did not enroll on the incoming term. And it caused some drama between me and my mom. But I was really desperate that time and that little rebel in me shone. So I stopped for a year and I loved that little pause in my life and my brain (it was a break from too much numbers and equations and stuff). It was like a soul-searching moment and I am happy that it happened.

Play.

I finally found an art college that I want. I enrolled and now I’m in my Junior year. After that pause in my academic life, the play button was pressed again. I am more than halfway of becoming a filmmaker and I can’t wait no more! I discovered new things that I like like photography, directing, and revived my drawing skills. It’s comparable to a renaissance. It’s like a rebirth of a new me, a new self that is walking again, with enthusiasm, on to achieving a dream.

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Written for Truth Thursday on a Monday.

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Truth Thursday: I Wish You Would Say

I remember my short and sweet, funny awkward encounter with you.

You were the extrovert one.

I was the introvert.

I don’t think that it was a good thing that we both came to class early.

I pretended not to notice your presence and just continued listening to some tunes in my iPod. You went to your seat. Minutes passed, yet there were only four of us inside.

You walked towards me in slow mo while Here Comes Your Man by The Pixies is playing and asked where were the others. I really don’t know what to say so I just shrugged my shoulders. You did not leave. You were staring at me and smiling. And I was hoping that you would ask me something, anything, just to start a conversation. Like:

Where do you live? You always come to class pretty early. I always see you with your notebook. Do you write? Do you draw? Can I see? Can you draw me? I noticed that you always had your earphones in. What music do you listen to? Wow, we have similar taste in music. Let’s be friends.

I could have answered:

I live in _______, you? Wow, we’re from North and South. You also come to class early. Traffic’s pretty bad, right? Yeah, I draw, I also write. Sure! You can take a look! I listen to this band and that band. Really? You also like them? like really like them? Cool! Sure, friends?

Instead, you smiled while you were writing something on your paper. You’re staring at me, still smiling. You stuttered and asked:

W-what’s the date today?

7th, today’s the 7th.

I know we can’t go back to that time, but if given the chance to meet again.. same setting, you and me.. I hope that you’d sense and follow the script inside my head. Please say the things I want to hear so we can be friends as soon as possible. And please, don’t smile. Just don’t. It melts my poker face away.

…………..

(dear friends, i really can’t tell whether this happened in DLSU or Mint.. I just can’t. please. lol)

for Truth Thursdays on a Friday. 🙂

Truth Thursday: I’ll Give

“A house is not a home”

If I’d be able to give something to everybody, I’d like to give everyone a home. Where there will be abundance in love and caring. Where everyone will feel that they matter no matter what everyone else thinks. I’d like them to feel that they’re wanted and they need not to self-pity because they’re not pitiful in any way.

I’d like for everyone to have an embracing kind of home, a pat-on-the-back kind of home, an I’ll-be-there-whenever-you-need-me kind of home, a correcting kind of home, a home that is not only a happy kind of home but a home that they’ll want to go back to because it’s different than the others. The kind of home that has warmth of the sun, security of a father’s arm, calmness of a mother’s speech, and the joy of family.

I’d like to give everyone a home that will support them, and correct them when needed. A home that even when it’s not perfect, it’ll still prove that it’ll stay through thick and thin. A home that will help you uncover the mysteries of life and discover simple pleasures. A home that even when shaken with a storm, it’ll still generate a smile and at the end of the day, they’ll all, with confidence, say that it has been a fine day.

………………………………………………………………..

For my fellow Filipinos who are really under the weather, stay strong, remember where your homes are.

Written for Truth Thursdays 

Truth Thursdays: To Answer Your Question

This question must be answered, so yeah.

This has been a question to myself over the years and the answers vary depending on the situation. So here’s the question: Why am I doing what I am doing?

A. Because I have to do it. Not because I want to do it but because it must be done. No more and no less.

B. Because I want to do it. Enough said.

C. I don’t know. Maybe because I’ve made a bad decision and the consequence is that I do what the consequence requires me to do.

D. I don’t know. Maybe because I just want to try doing it.

E. I don’t really want to do it but it’s for the better. And not doing it would just cause regrets in the future and I don’t want to experience it.

F. For myself. I have my own brain and I make my own decisions. I don’t do it for the love of you or whatever and whatnot but for myself.

G. To piss you off

H. To show the world that I can do it.

I. To answer the question why am I doing what I am doing.

Maybe my sanity is keeping me from answering questions. Or maybe I just don’t know the answer. But whatever, questions still keep on coming, and I know I have to keep on answering…. or maybe not really.

Truth Thursdays: When It Was Over

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when it was over

I just feel like writing about something personal. 🙂
I don’t want to create issues whatsoever so I’ll just call you Z.

Dear Z,
There might only be 0.01% chance of you stumbling upon this post but in case you did, haha! I don’t care, whatever.

Should I thank you? Maybe I should, for letting me feel something I haven’t experienced before.
We were both young back then, but i felt happy (and giddy) every time we talked(well, texted) on the phone every night until we both fell asleep. Those nights felt special for me and I think it also was for you. Thanks for trusting me some of your secrets and thanks for keeping some of mine. This is not a ‘longing for the past’ kind of post. This is just a ‘thanks-but-no-thanks’ post.

For months, I really felt special and loved by someone special other than a family. Even when we’re both awkward in person, I thought that even the awkwardness was something that only you and I understood. haha. (I feel icky writing this but yolo.) We were young and our feelings were ‘illegal’ (I mean, shhhhh, it’s a secret, only few people knew) We did not even dated, we just understood each other and it felt perfectly fine, so good that I thought you might be ‘the one’. It was really like a fairytale.. until the witch came.

Our ‘witch’ was not ordinary.. I don’t even know who/what our ‘witch’ was. Our fairytale (well, at least my fairytale) ended when you disappeared.. Literally! You! Why you did not even explain! It’s funny how you made yourself a magician with your perfect disappearing act. Even up to now, I’m still thinking why you left (literally) without any explanation. And all you left was your goodbye poem for me. Well, I did appreciate that poem. You made goodbyes a little bit sweeter. But since you’re the first that I really liked, it sucks to be reading a goodbye poem from you.

I was hurt and hated you for some time and since it was not known, I kept it all in me (you! why you hurt me? haha) But I never thought that you were my version of “the one that got away”. I was thinking that I was the one who got away but the author of my love story made it clear that we were really not meant to be. But I still want to thank you for having a brief part in my life. I am sure that I learned something, you learned something(I hope), and it was a nice, short ‘moment’. I knew I grew from that experience. I knew God has something and someone better. And I’m thankful that you did not publicly confess your ‘love’ or whatever feeling you have in there at that moment. If ever you did, shucks, many wrong things could have been made. So yeah, thanks.

I find this a little bit childish but you know, some things just needs to be said no matter how childish it might be. This isn’t even a goodbye. Our goodbye happened long ago. Let’s just look at it as a “throwback” thing.

We’re still awkward with each other but we both moved on.(duh, it was so 2009?) I’m happy, you happy, we happy!

I knew we won’t stop loving. Our Creator made us to love.

P.S.
You’re not really the one that got away. Neither was I.

-C